I sucked at my first an hour of power.
An hour of power is a special workout session organised on every Wednesday in Hong Kong Park. It is special because the session is always led by some muscular men who will make you do intensive exercise until you wish you would rather to die. My friends, Edward and Henry had already joined a couple of sessions and urged me to give it a try. They were always talking about how stressful and exhausting the workout is. I thought I am quite fit and hey how much work they could do in only one hour, so I agreed to go. On Wednesday when we arrived at the gathering spot, there were already many people dressing in sportswear stretching their bodies to warm up. Everyone looks so pro! I started to have bad feelings about what we were about to do. In the centre of the crowd stood a beefy, barrel-chested guy. Edward told me that guy previously served in US army and he would be our captain today. Oh man. I started to imagine a group of tough men running dozens of miles and doing hundreds of push-ups. It was not going to be easy today.
With a shout from the captain, everyone started running up and down the hill for warm-up. After this we begun body weight exercises like modified push-ups where you stand on your feet first, do a half push-up so that your chest touches ground and your hands in the air and then use your hands to push the ground to get up and continue. We also did plank, sit-ups, which I could still manage. After a couple of seconds rest, we were on our feet running up hill again to another open area. I could feel my legs so heavy that moving a single step requires big determination. I was almost the last one to arrive at the place. Then we start climbing a tower with spiral stairs. Up and down 3 times followed by another round of body weight exercises. I was completely exhaust at that time, although we were only half way through the session. I felt so dizzy that I was afraid that I would fall on the ground at any time. I wish I could just sneak away or lie on the ground without any disturbance. However another voice told me to hold on. It's just a normal workout and I could survive this. How pathetic I would be If I quit in front of everyone. These contradictory thoughts wrestling with each other until the end of the session.
It reminds me of the mental fights I had when I was in high school. They force you to talk to yourself, debating and making compromises like Smeagol fighting with himself for the precious Ring and the loyalty to his master, Frodo. One of the most gloomy moments in my high school was when I decided to roll out a journal for my class collecting articles written by my classmates. The main reason was to let my classmates understand each other via different angles and create share memories which we may cherish years later. I gathered some of my classmates to discuss about the idea. Everyone agreed and after a couple of hours discussion, the name for the journal was set, Oners. However the collecting materials was not as smooth as what I expected. I understood everyone had their own business and they were not so dedicated to this project. It's my responsibility to keep the project going but it occurred to me that motivating myself is different from motivating others. I could easily convince myself to do something. Just focus and do it. But for others to do it, I have to sell a good story and convince them that they are doing for themselves instead of for me. My Smeagol whispered to me that I ought to push them and do whatever it takes to keep it going but my Gollum slapped him and said why bother, I might make things worse if pushed too hard. The project stalled and didn't work out eventually. Sad story.
Failure is not big deal. It helps me to realize where I am and what to improve. Self-loathing and questioning about inability are fine. I just take all of them and search for opportunities to prove them wrong. Mental fighting happens all the time from the moment people weak up to bed time. Some planning and debate are necessary but too much will hold you back in a indecisive mode. Lots of energy will be lost while swaying from one side to another. Just follow omens and instincts. Pick one and start working on it. Next Wednesday, I know what I am going to do.